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But they wouldn't let me in

If you have an Xbox 360 - good news: they're getting a whole new software facelift in the form of the new Xbox Live Experience.

I joined up online to be a pre-release beta tester of it, and it's like having a whole new Xbox. Gone are the blades and in are the very iPod-ish new 'swish' controls, which aren't entirely dissimilar to the PS3's up/down axis yoke.

And you can make a picture of yourself!

Well, I'm still working on it.

It's out in a couple of weeks - if your 360 is online, it'll auto-download when it becomes available.


This is what it looks like when The Coronas album, Heroes Or Ghosts goes platinum!


Lovely boys!


A night at the Laughter Lounge is one of my favourite ways to spend a Saturday pissup. A good laugh (usually), a few beers, and the chance to be an armchair critic (slash/ bitch) when it comes to the comedians.

When I was in college, me JP and our good buddy Dermot Keyes (aka Keyser) would go there - when it still looked like a cinema. It's brilliant: Comedian comes on, talks funny for a few minutes, then takes a break. Everyone runs to the bar and orders three drinks (for fear of not getting another break) and the next guy comes on. He does his set, then there's another break, when every bloke in the place runs for the jacks, because they've drank all the booze they bought in the last break and have been too scared to go for a piss during the set, just in case they get slagged off by the guy on stage.

I'll never forget one interval when it was the old Laughter Lounge when I was washing my hands at the sink. The place was rammed - all of the urinals and cubicles were full, and there was a queue of lads out the door waiting for a slash. As I was rinsing, a dark, murky liquid started bubbling up the plughole in the sink. It was the collective urine of the gentlemen next to me. Now that's teamwork!

The place was closed for a long time and has had a complete refit - the old cinema look (which I loved and really miss) is gone, but there's no piss in the sink in the jacks anymore. Don't miss that. Actually, the urinals are very cool now. I'm not messing. If you're ever in there, do go and have a look. Or better yet, i'll just take a pic when I'm in there again.

Anyway, after they reopened, we all went along on one of the opening nights, and a guy I'd never seen before was on - Paddy Courtney. He was MC-ing and he took the piss out of his homeplace, Coolock (where I live) a lot. I thought he was a funny fucker, with none of the usual bollocks you'd see with the big-name Irish comedians. I don't mean that in a bad way. Anyway, the point is, I think he's great.

Much time has passed since, and I started going to the gym, with my personal trainer Dave, who, with it being the small world it is, used to train the one and the same Paddy Courtney. So, Paddy was in the other day with the Darcy show, and we traded Dave stories... there aren't many. he trains. And he's short. That's it.

Anyway, to make a long story even longer, I got this email from Paddy this morning:

Comedians and the like usually have little bets with each other to do different things on stage good and bad that is not usually paert of their set.

I won this bet last night in the Laughter Lounge

Cheers dudes,


Cool! Although they could've been a bit more enthusiastic. I did win a fucking Meteor after all.

I was actually in the Laughter Lounge on Saturday night for Kate's birthday. I don't recommend the all-you-can-eat Chinese next door, and I do recommend staying for the DJ afterward. Classic 90's dance? Yes please. But they close the bar way too early. You've been warned.


ScreenHunter_01 Oct. 30 19.07 

So the final verdict:

Brand, as you know is gone.

Ross is to be suspended without pay until January.

Their boss, Lesley Douglas, has resigned. She's credited for being the brains behind making Radio 2 the best station in Europe. Gone.

BBC Radio 2 will say sorry.

Yes, they're sorry.

Anyway, I'm done ranting on this. I won't be harping on about it on the radio tomorrow. Because tomorrow IT'S LAZY RADIO! And I'm calling someone's voicemail to tell them I f**ked their granddaughter.


Remember these?

ScreenHunter_08 Oct. 30 16.11

I loved them.

Found them here, as suggested by Claire.


west wing…

JP’s in a poll frenzy this afternoon as Obama’s up again in the latest polls following last night’s paid-for speech to the nation.

The Guardian reckons that it’s all been predicted by one of the best TV shows in the world ever, The West Wing:

ScreenHunter_03 Oct. 30 15.46

As we all know, the Democrats eventually won at the end of the seventh season. Speaking of the West Wing, the best ever season finale? Zoe’s abduction was good, but deciding to run again at the end of season two pips it at the post:

Aw yeah!

Have you noticed, they badly stuck Jimmy Smit’s head onto someone else’s (Rob Lowe’s I think) shoulders?

ScreenHunter_06 Oct. 30 16.00


Just got a press release from the Toys 4 Big Boys people.

It’s always great craic and this year it hits the RDS from the 6th to the 9th November.

But I particularly like their gadget chart:

 ScreenHunter_02 Oct. 30 15.33


On the Bebo, the sweetest thing anyone's ever written about us:

ScreenHunter_03 Oct. 30 00.38

Aw. That bullshit is for everyone, Liam. Spread it around!

Kiss kiss.


So, Russell has quit:

ScreenHunter_01 Oct. 29 23.29

JP called me earlier to tell me - he'd been watching it on telly.

What a fucking joke this whole situation has turned out to be. What's the point in putting Russell Brand on the radio every week if he can't be Russell bloody Brand? This is the same fella who turned up to work dressed as Osama Bin Laden the day after 9/11. IT'S IN HIS CV! That's what he does! WHAT DID YOU PEOPLE EXPECT???? AND WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT IT!?

Radio 2 put him there in the first place, I would imagine, to be different, alternative, rude, crude and stupid to it's Saturday night audience, while Wogan and Ken Bruce do their thing for the type of person who would be offended by his schtick.

Now, don't get me wrong - they said some right royally stupid things in that broadcast and probably went too far. But people (and they are real people) make daft mistakes, sweat over them for a bit, get off the hook or slapped on the wrist, and move on.

Several months back, I said something utterly THICK on the radio that landed me in hot shit. I got a text about it today. Hi Dan if you're reading. Fuck me, it was stupid - that's enough said, so I'll not go into any further detail. It was pure not thinking, and Christ was I sorry I did it. It didn't make the papers thank God, but I was sick as a dog about it for two weeks later and have kicked myself over it since. But it passed. I paid for it in pure shitting myself, learned from it, and still have the gig. And now I know the line. I can talk the shite I do for the people I talk it for (mostly the three of us in the room) and know I'll get a kicking for going too far, and now I know where too far is.

The beauty of the BBC is that it has always had the freedom to go further than everybody else. They should be on the pioneering new edge of broadcasting, and their talent and production staff should have the resources and support from the higher-ups to know that their backs are covered should they test the standards.

And the the truly contemptible villains of the saga:

1: The Complainants

The audience never complained. On the night of the broadcast, no-one complained. It's only since the media coverage has anyone been in touch with the BBC. And they're complaining off the back of media reports, some of which have been sketchy to say the least. Different account have suggested she was a child, that Sachs was a dying man, or even that it was actually John Cleese who got the calls. (I heard the fantastic Mary Wilson yesterday afternoon claim that Sachs will always be remembered for the Basil Fawlty character. Wow.)

I've made it clear before that I utterly detest the "Dear Sir or Madam" brigade, those people smart enough to type a letter to the Broadcasting Complaints Commission, while being too dumb to just switch to something else. I don't know who it was that pointed it out to me (I think it was another broadcaster) but a look BCC website will show that the same names keep popping up again and again as complainers about broadcasting standards. These people are almost professional radio-listeners, waiting for us to fuck up. Get a life you saddos. Actually, while you're looking at the complaints, especially those upheld, you may notice there's a direct correlation between those people who are complained about most and their listenership-figures success. I can tell you for a fact, when I grow up to be a proper broadcaster, that list is a who's-who of radio heroes (I know, my name isn't there). But who wants to be a "top temperatures today of twelve degrees" kindof deejay? Not me, and certainly not Russell Brand or Jonathan Ross.

Actually, while I'm at it. If you're the type of person who wants to get into radio to say "(station name) that was Take That with Rule The World - I'm (your name here) reminding you that our guess-that-noise competition on the brakfast show tomorrow morning is worth 2 thousand euro, now here's Rihanna on (station name)" can I just ask you, no, BEG you to reconsider? Please? If you think you can talk on the radio then try and say some stuff, even if people don't like it.

Train of thought... yeah, anyway - these complaining sadcases have been mobilized to great effect, (something in the tens of thousands) while the numbers show that, combined, MILLIONS listen to and watch their respective radio and TV programmes. You people, although greatly mobilized, are still in the vast minority.

2: Georgina Baillie.

The granddaughter is actually a stripping member of the Satanic Sluts and a failed page three wannabe - that wasn't a joke on the show, it's a fact. I was wondering: did her grandfather know? And what did he make of it? How did she think people would react to her career choice? Not that I have an issue with it, but I would imagine that the type of person who would complain might.

And since this whole thing kicked off to the extent it has, she's got an exclusive deal with a tabloid newspaper. Fuck. Off.

3: Gordon Brown.

The Prime Minister's comments - how many times would Gordon Brown listen to the Russell Brand show of a Saturday night? Better yet, does he make time for Jonathan Ross in his podcasts? And what of your economy being in the shitter, Mister Prime Minister? Any comments?

But I laughed at the "he f**ked your granddaughter" line. It was pure Jonathan Ross, and that wasn't a bad thing.



Mark is gone and he was in... lovely guy with piercing green eyes.

Our rating total: 13 out of 15.


so i'm in lidl and I see this...

They literally sell everything!

Al x

uh oh...

Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross may be in a bit of trouble over a few voice mail messages to actor Andrew Sachs...

Here's an article about it -

Listen to the show here:

Now, all together. Put finger inside collar. Pull on collar. Make this noise: "eeeee, eeeee, eeee, eeee..."


This is a fascinating chart, showing a to-scale graph of how America's tax dollars are going to be spent next year.

Each circle represents an area of spending, coming out of the massive central circle, the federal pot (with the American flag on it).

The massive circle to the left? Department of Defense. The next biggest by the looks of it is The Global War on Terror.



Tracy says me & Gaz are looky-likeys.


I see it a bit - but not much.


Do you remember when MTV used to play music? Some of you may be too young, but I do. I’ll never forget the first few months after we got cable into our house in Mayo and I was glued to MTV… one of the tunes they used to play on the dancefloor chart was this:

Fcukin’ class! I want to play it today.




Stephen emailed me a pic from January 2003.

I was in New York at the Empire State building, and had been going out with my now-wife nearly five months at that stage.

Ray Fat

I actually looks like I'm in a fat suit!

No Stephen, we won’t bring back the big game – and lazy radio stays.

Thanks for the memories though!


ScreenHunter_01 Oct. 23 11.27

Mixin’ it up somethin’ wicked this Saturday night, with supporting act, Tiesto!

Tickets 49.50 including booking fee from usual outlets and ticketmaster agents nationwide!

Special rate for OAP’s!


MTV. OK. Why?

And fair play to Phil for asking the question - I didn't know if he'd have the stones. When I was on nights I used to watch them every day.


Was watching RTE News tonight when they went to a reporter outside Government Buildings.


Eh, why did you do that? There was plenty of room at the top of the screen, and there was a clear view of his face.

Fr fck sk.


The shockingly attractive Orla MacAdam was in today - she was shown the boardroom door on Monday night. I think I kept it together...




She got a grand total of 14 out of 15! There's a shocker!


lucy kennedy...

In studio today!

Dance guru Tracy meets Ricky Gervais.

She’s the one with the massive tampon on her head.



Stuck in my head all day again:

Frickin' love it.


Warning: rant ahead. I’ve been on YouTube.

I fucking hate celebrities, celebrity, and celebrities' perception of their own celebrity.

I’ve written before about the downfall of humanity, but I should add that our obsession with so-called celebrities is another indication of our direction down the toilet as a society.

Article One:

I have arguments with my wife about OK magazine. I shouldn’t. She freely admits that buying it is stupid, that the contents of it are of no consequence to anyone, and that there are many better things in life to occupy one’s time with. OK magazine infuriates me. It’s so full of Pop Idol and Big Brother failures that when reading it, I need to ask Kate who it is I’m reading about (“Babe, what was she in? Oh, she goes out with Lily Allen’s brother. Right.”) The most annoying thing is finding myself reading it over her shoulder. WHY?! To be fair, my wife is better educated and much smarter than I am and hasn’t bought one in many months (since our last row) but they’re still printing the fucker.

Article Two:

ScreenHunter_01 Oct. 16 22.09

The book. Saw it in Tesco this evening.

Could I please tell the papers (not a day goes by at this stage), the publishers, RTÉ, and Gerry himself: I don’t give a shit.

Sorry Gerry. By the way I’m saying this not as an anti-RTÉ, Today FM head, because I actually think Gerry Ryan is exceptionally good at making radio. He sounds like he doesn’t give a shit (when in fact he does) and he gives you a show, solo, for three hours every day and rarely reads a text message*. I know he’s not popular among radio heads, but I just think he’s great. Has been since the first day I heard him. That position gets me into arguments.

But do people care about him flying first-class to New York, his marital situation, his shedload of cash and millionaire buddies? He’s just a bloke, like you and me! He’s not Bono! And Bono’s just a bloke too!

Article Three:

A bunch of celebrities sit down and decide “you know, we totally, like, matter”:

Fuck. Off.


*I hate text messages. Every time I listen to the radio, no matter what station it is, they’re either reading texts, asking for texts or both. Here’s an idea: think of something to say all on your own! THAT’S what you’ve been hired to do! What didi radio presenters do before texting? Of course, there are exceptions – Ray D reads a lot of texts, always has - but most of them are of interest. But just because it works for him doesn’t mean it does for everyone!

It may be a little too early to be talking about Christmas, but for anyone wondering, I want one of these:



Alesha Dixon's new vid. Remember her - Mis-teeq/Strictly Come Dancing/hubby went off with Javine...

Now granted, I fancy boys. But jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaysus she's a ride!!


avril's fired...

Avril Daly was the fourth person to be fired from TV3's The Apprentice. And she came in for a chat today! We gave her an impressive 12 out of 15.


Watching The Apprentice this evening on TV3, when a promo for new show, Rule Britannia starring Gary Barlow comes on.

Good news! It's...

Lookkiinngg forward to it!


More from that fail website. It's just so addictive.

This is fairly standard stuff: lady falls over while grape-stomping. But listen to her reaction! And then yer man afterward is just perfect.


I’m a bad, bad person.

From the brilliant fail blog. It’s Friday – chill.


mmmm, movie gold...

Just watched Mikey Graham and Keith Duffy on the Café on telly... Aidan Power mentioned a film that Mikey was in called Fatal Deviation, and advised viewers to check it out on YouTube. I take everything Aidan Power says VERY seriously, so I did as he said.

Here's the first installment of it: (there's 8 in total)

If you like this, which you will - check out the rest. I remember I did a WEEK long film course with my friend Michael a couple of years back, and the absolute CACK that we produced was 10 times better than this.

It's brilliantly shit.



after i left a post of me and B man Harvey at the East 17 gig, McCauley pointed out in one of the comments out I look like Chris Evans.

No shit.

here's me and him at the Ireland England Rugby match last year.
And here's me and Tom Cruise a few years back
And here I am making a commercial for a well known chocolate bar.

The Milky bars are on me bitches...

Oh, and I look NOTHING like Prince Harry and Gavin Lamb Murphy, alright?



ninja cat...

I'm a dog person, but JP's all about cats. He just sent me this:



deep deep down, i love east 17...

I've just come back from EAST 17!!!

They were playing in the UCD sutdent bar, and while I'm no student, I couldn't miss out on the Bomber Jackets and Beanies for the low low price of €7!!!

So Brian and the too other blokes were there, but Tony is having none of the reunion - pity, he used to sing the "STAY NOW...STAY now...stay now..." bit... But it was CLASS!

Turns out Brian Harvey is a lovely fella, and he's shorter than JP - if you can believe it...

Check it out... he even did the weird East 17 look moody and do a funny point thing... CLASS

Much love...


For much of my childhood, this was the car of my dreams:

And now it’s for sale on ebay.


FYI, the ‘busters are comin’ back


iglu and hartly...

Iglu and Hartly were in today, they performed their song "In this City" and had a nice little chat with Ray as well! Lovely.


he's fired...

Ronan Whitty, the third apprentice to be fired was in studio today. We gave him an 11 out of 15!

ps. He blagged free crap from the Ray D'Arcy Show. Fair play!

so tired...

I'm up! I'm awake!

I have my driving test in a couple of hours and need to get up to the test centre for a pre-test, last-min driving lesson.

I didn't sleep a wink last night I'm so nervous. What the hell is wrong with me?

Bad news: it's wet out. I hate driving when it's wet. Wipers and speed, wipers and speed. Might even need the lights it's' that dark out.

More at 12.


We're on the piss!


the rumours are true...

Tom Jones CAN rap! This song popped into my head today, I found it on YouTube and i've played it about 4 times now. There has to be something wrong with me, I actually love it. I'm not ashamed to say it! Well, maybe I'm a little ashamed. No screw it, I love it! Check out his slick "walk" dance. And the slightly sickening hip grind at the start. Mmmmm.

I love you Tom Jones.


would ya look at the cut of him..

So jizzle and I hit the driving range last night...I never said
anything about fancy dress,but JP decided to dress like a SKOBIE.

free fleece - $0
free tracky b's -$0

Wearing shoes with the above - priceless