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Alright lads, I just wanted to drop a note to those of you who’ve been listening to us for the last several years. It feels like we haven’t properly said what we wanted to say to end the show. It seems like all the laughs and pisstaking has kindof overshadowed what is a hugely emotional goodbye for us - and we would hate for you to think we’re just pissing off without a thought or a mention of you.

I never really expected this day to happen - at least not in the way it has. I always expected my departure from Today FM would be as a result of me finally crossing the uncrossable line (wherever that is) and being escorted to the front door by security with a box of my belongings turfed out behind me. Instead, it’s been a bittersweet end to what has been a brilliant time in our lives and we’re genuinely sad to go - but happy to be leaving on good terms.

It’s been eight years, and six of those years were spent on lunchtimes. I bought my first house, adopted a dog, got married, had a kid, got drunk a lot and won a few awards in those six years and it all happened on the air on the show. Today FM gave us a blank page with which to do ANYTHING and they backed us up every step of the way, through shit and shitter. I don’t know if any other station would give a prime gig like that to two unknown gobshites in their mid-twenties and still have them on the air six years later, but Today FM did - and for that I will always be grateful.

When we were thinking of leaving, we drew up a list of pros and cons for and against a move. There were only two really significant cons on the list.

The first was our colleagues. I don’t think I need to get all mushy here, so I won't, but we will really miss the talented amazing and funny people we work with.

The second was the listeners. Not the listeners - our listeners. Those freaky funny bastards who play along with us every day. How the hell do we explain something like “byebyebyebyebyebyebye” to a whole new audience that has never heard the show? Who would call in at five seconds notice to tell us the song playing in the background during the ads on telly the night before. The WD40? Or the ham mam? Or “are we still doing that?” Or the Paul Collins Gauntlet effect? Who would know what Simon Cowell’s fingers smell like? Who would vote for us in the Meteors year after sickening year as we annoyed the shite out of them begging for votes? That’s pretty tough to leave behind.

But it’s time for a change and we’re both really excited by this opportunity. We’ve done nearly everything we wanted to do at lunchtime and we should probably go and get excited about something else for a while before we get bored or unhappy and want to kill each other. So, we’re away for now. I’m also really looking forward to spending more time with my little boy. And, if I’m home by lunchtime every day I’ll probably see more of Matthew too.

Over the past few weeks, we’ve had a lot of people asking the same questions. Now that the show is finished, I can answer them:

What the fuck? This is a pisstake isn’t it? Is it true you guys are leaving? It is true. We’re going to do the breakfast show on 98FM.

What the fuck is 98FM? It’s a local radio station in Dublin. They offered us their breakfast show and we’ve been saying for years that we’d love to do a breakfast show - so... we’re gonna go and do it.

Ray, you do realise a breakfast show starts at 6am, don’t you? Wha...? FUCK!

Who’ll be doing lunchtime from now on? KC! His real name is Keith Cunningham and he’s tall and from Mayo and overweight like me. He’s much nicer than me though. He’s a good buddy of mine and I hope you’ll be good to him*.

Were you fired? No. Today FM has been incredible to us for all the years we’ve been here. I know that’s really kissassy but our old boss Willie and our new boss Peter have been ridiculously supportive of us through every stupid gaddamn thing we’ve ever done on the radio and off it. Actually, honourable mention to Tom Hardy and Caroline Davies who’ve had to put up with a lot of our shit too. Thank you.

Are you really being relegated/demoted? Well, Today FM is the biggest national station in Ireland and 98FM is a local Dublin station, but we’re going to do a very different job. As someone wise somewhere said “enjoy what you do, follow your dreams and blah blah blah snore etc.” We really want to do this so we don’t see it as a demotion.

Are you really pissed off that “they” are moving you? They’re not. They asked us if we’d like to do it and we said yes.

Do you hate Today FM now that you’re going to another station? Yes. We still like Matt Cooper though.

How’s Ann? (Actually this should be at the top of the list) And what happens to her now? Ann is one of our best friends and we’ve kept her in the loop while we’ve been thinking about all this. She works for Today FM and went off on sick leave from Today FM, so she’ll be coming back to the station. Her top priority (and ours) is getting better, so she doesn’t give a shite about us at the moment. What happens after that is up to her. She’s in good form by the way and thanks for asking.

What happens to Adelle? Adelle was the Today FM producer who started up the lunchtime show with us in 2004, with a blank page and a grid on a sheet of paper to write all the bits on. She’s been a massive part of what we’ve done and tried to do through all that time - putting babies to bed, cooking dinners, driving to creches, crashing her car fifteen times, and giving birth all while on the phone with me to discuss what’s happening next on the radio show. She helped us build this yoke. So given all that childminding experience, she’ll be producing the new show with KC, who should be much easier to work with.

What happens to Nordy? He’s on the telly now! The movie show on bloody RTE! How’s them apples? He will also be on our new show every week.

What happens to Grainne Seoige? Grainne will remain the object of my inappropriate affection, marry me when she loses her looks and continue to make the occasional appearance on the new show.

What happens to New Guy Ken? Are you serious?

Will you still be podcasting? Yes, of course. If you want to stay with us, just do a search for the 98FM app on whatever Android or iDevice you use. Or you can search for Ray Foley 98FM in iTunes. Nothing will change in that regard. It’ll be the same shit, different station. If you’re an early riser and a bit weird, you can watch us on the website

What does JP stand for? Pregnant women on busses and the national anthem.

Which one is Ray and which one is JP? Do you realise your voices sound exactly the same? Yes, we do. Ray is the funny one.

Foley, will you please fuck off and die? Yes. Eventually.

I’m well aware that a lot of you don’t give a shit about all this - it’s just radio after all. But for those of you that do: thank you. It’s been my whole life for the best part of a decade and if you liked it, I’m really glad you did. If you didn’t, my dad has learned to google and was reading your comments on the internet last week. He will - and I quote - “fucking brain” you. You have been warned.

At the end of every show we say “there’s so much we didn’t get to do today” but you know that’s not really been true. We’ve done so much amazing stuff, even attempting to list the Fun Bus, the Lazy Radio Tour, The New York shows, the Tedfest, the Gauntlet and the million other things we’ve done would take me another six years. But we have had the best time, and it’s because you’ve had us on your radio. Thank you for that too.

I sincerely wish KC the best of luck - though I’m not sure he’ll need it.

Now, it’s gin and tonic time.


*my arse - give him hell.